When It's All Pretend
by Cremated Hamburger
Summary: Lily Evans has always loved playing pretend. She can make believe her life into anything-or so she thinks. What happens when make believe doesn't work anymore?Can she ever live with reality and who SHE is, rather than the people she pretends to be?
1. Pretending Games

When It's All Pretend  
  
Five-year-old Lily sat there silently, with an old, moldy blanket and an alert expression upon her face. She was playing another pretend game, excpet this time she was the only girl playing it. This time she was the one with the main role, and all of the little boys were playing the other roles.   
Currently, Lily was in Abry's Preschool in an old-fashioned, quaint little corner of northeast London. She lived in a small but warm, comfortable home not too far from here. Her father was often at work, and she didn't really see him very much, but for an hour a day at the most, unless by some miracle he took a day off. Her mother went to work too, but always got off at 3 in the afternoon, when she came to collect her younger, strawberry-blonde-haired daughter. Lily and her mother were VERY close, closer to one another than Petunia would ever be with their father even. Petunia Evans was Lily's blonde, 8-year-old sister, and she and their mother did NOT get along well. She was moderately close to their father, but their bond would never be as tight as Lily and her mother. Lily's mother was very talented artistically, and worked at an acting center near their home. It was well-known all throughout London, and many people from nearby places traveled miles to see them perform. Lily knew her mother's dream was to be a great actress, but she didn't see the point, as she already thought her mommy was. Lily only hoped to be as great an actress as her mother was when SHE grew up.   
Every night, her mother would always read her a fairy tale. Usually, it was only fairy tales they'd read before, although every now and then her mother would discover a new one. Just a few days ago, her mother had read her the newest one for the first time, about an older girl who hadn't talked in a very long time, in YEARS, who was one of the most beautiful girls in the world. Her father, the king, was desperate, and had offered a large sum of money if ANY man could get her to utter a word, a laugh, anything. In the end, someone had tricked her into talking, and they had lived happily ever after. Lily sighed in pleasure just thinking about it. She loved fairy tales, especially the ones where everyone was happy.   
Anyways, this fairy tale was what had brought on Lily's current state. She had draped a long, moth-eaten blanket around herself, pretending it was the beautiful, colorful silk the princess had worn. Then, when she went to school, she had told her playmates about the story, and said she was going to play the part. Every day she was to sit over on the cushions in the middle of the floor and listen to all the stories and things the little boys would say. Lily had enraptured everyone into her play. Although her girl friends themselves had no part to play, they sat around near her just to hear the things the boys would say. The boys, one behind another, came up to tell her things. You'd expect Lily to be bored after so many stories in so long, but the truth was, Lily loved stories. Even more than actress, she wanted to someday become a writer. She loved telling and hearing stories so. She most of all loved to make them up. Sometimes she did get tired and bored for a while, and want to run around and play. However, she forced herself to continue playing the part.   
'That's what a great actress does,' she silently told herself.   
Indeed, everyone around her admired her and envied her for her endurance. She never made a noise once, even when you could TELL she was dying to burst out laughing!!! And Lily herself was so captivated by the stories and so hardset to act her part perfectly, that any child her age would soon find themself believing the whole pretending game to be real, and would look at her seeing a splendid princess and vivid silk.   
This had been going on for a few days, when a new child came in. He wasn't particularly fond of going to preschool, coming in glaring. Everyone was so enthralled with the game, they didn't even NOTICE young James Potter. However, he definitely noticed them. Despite his determination to not enjoy preschool and to pretend everyone else wasn't there, he couldn't help but be curious about this strange game. He'd never seen anything like it. He thought it was all quite silly that first day, but he too was soon caught up in the wonderment of it by the second. He wondered to himself who this girl who had everyone's attention was. He'd basically figured out the basics of what the game was about, after getting a rough explanation from another preschool boy who hadn't really concentrated much on the question. James was competitive when he was interested, and by that second day he was definitely interested. And that day he vowed to himself that HE would capture her attention. HE would win the game, HE would persuade her voice. Most of all, he wanted to make a friend. He was lonely all by himself with nobody to talk to. And this girl seemed interesting enough. Perhaps she would make an excellent playmate, like his old friend Lizzie Carfshew whom he'd left in the dust a month ago after 'The Big Move'. He needed a friend. With his parents not caring about him and his older, snotty eleven-year-old brother Genemenus getting all the attention and not caring about him either, he DEFINITELY needed a friend. And so ends our first chapter, with James and his resolution to somehow find a way to get this strawberry-blonde to be his friend.   
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A/N: HI!!!I decided I didn't like the other story I started writing, as it didn't really have any kind of plot. This one kind of does. I think it will turn out to be REALLY good!!I hope so!!!I really want you guys to review!!!The next chapter will continue to deal with James and Lil when they're that young. Then, if I finish in that one, I believe I'll skip ahead to when they're in Hogwarts in the chapter after. Anyhow, it's very interesting so far, isn't it???I'm really excited about this!!!Please review for me!!!!If nobody reviews, it will just comfirm for me that my story's not goo because nobody's reading it. So PLEASE read and review it!!!!!! I love you guys, and I love reviewers even more!!!!!!!  
  
Lots of love,  
Kristi 


	2. Meeting You,Time With You,Leaving You

Disclaimer: None of the stories James tells in here were written by me. I found them by barious authors such as Hans Christian Anderson, the Grimm Brothers,etc. ENJOY!!!  
  
  
When It's All Pretend  
  
Two days later, on Thursday, James' mother was almost worried on how eager her son was to go to preschool, when before he'd made them almost half an hour late each day with his refusals to go. However, although she did kind of notice, she was too excited about some letter or other that James' brother had received the day before. It was something about a magic school or something. James didn't really care. If there was such a thing as magic, of course his brother would get in. However, he didn't think much about it. Currently, he was far more excited about the stories he had to tell this redheaded girl. He'd found a great collection of amazing tales for her. He'd heard from someone that she loved happy endings, so he'd tried to get many amazing stories with happy endings. He only hoped she hadn't heard any of them before... He was actually coming quite early for once into the preschool. There weren't very many people there. However, once he stepped in, he saw that the young girl was just getting there, too. James bounded up to her in excitement.  
  
"Hello!!!" he exclaimed happily, beaming at her. He was so excited, and wanted to start right away. "I'm James Potter!!!And I'm five years old," he added the last part as an afterthought, quite proudly, too.   
  
The young girl smiled at him happily. "Hello!I'm Lily Evans. I'm five, too. Are you new?"  
  
James said thoughtfully,"Yes,I'm new. Say,I thought you weren't going to talk?"  
  
Lily laughed warmly,"That's only for when I lay down on the silk cushions with the silk v-v-veil..."she said slowly, as if she had learned the word recently, which she had. "I only start not talking wen I do that and when the stories start," she added dreamily.  
  
James grinned, remembering what was to come, a little disappointed that it wasn't time to start with stories yet. "Oh. Well, when does that start? I have a story to tell, too. And why exactly do that if you can talk to people before your stories? Then what would be the point of having the prize be for whoever gets you to make a sound?"  
  
Thoughtfully, Lily said, "You know, I hadn't thought of that. And the girl in the fairy tale didn't talk at all. I still talk to my family, but here is a different story." She turned to him. "Thankyou for pointing this out to me. From now on I won' talk here at preschool at all, even before or after the stories are over...Good luck with your story!I can't wait to hear it!!Bye-bye!"she ended happily, and then she became silent.  
  
James frowned a little. Great, now he wouldn't get to talk to her at all. 'Oh well,'he thought. 'I guess that just makes it even more of a reason for me to win!' He had to wait five more minutes for everyone to get here and for the stories to start, and then he was shoved all the way to the back of the line. He protested with indignation, but nobody cared, and his protests soon proved to be useless. He sighed in hopelessness, and stood on his tiptoes and looked a little to the side of the many heads before him to try to catch a glance at the girl, at Lily. He saw her lying sprawled out on the soft pillows, trying to hold back the urge to laugh. She was pretty good at keeping a straight face and holding in her emotions. She looked almost exactly like a real princess, he decided. Not because she was pretty. She wasn't really pretty at all, although she had an interesting type of face that just screamed 'LOOK AT ME AGAIN!' She had frizzy, strawberry-blonde hair that was very short. Most of it wouldn't stay in her pigtails, as it was too short to even fit in the pigtail-holders. She had a pink face and even pinker cheeks. Not very nice-looking. She had a small, turned-up nose, and lots of light freckles scattered on her cheekbones and nose. She was slightly chubby, as most of the girls in preschool were. His old best friend, Lizzie, had been MUCH prettier than her, and she was just the same age! However, this girl, Lily, seemed like just the kind of person he would want as a friend. Preschoolers didn't really care much about looks, and neither did James. He watched as a dreamy, contented expression lit upon her face, and glanced at the little boy who was telling the story. He hoped the little boy wouldn't win. He wanted a friend so BAD! He sighed unhappily and boredly, and knew that he would just have to wait.   
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Finally, at 2:00, James was almost there. There was only one boy in front of him, already telling Lily a story. James had been listening in on it too, so he wouldn't feel so bored, and was now discovering he liked it. The stories being told were creative and made you want to listen to them. However, the ones he had actually heard were nowhere near as good as his. Finally, it was James' turn. Lily saw him and smiled warmly for a second, before settling back into her regal queen mode. Nobody had managed to get her to make a sound so far. He was positive that HE would. He took a deep breath and came up to her. He couldn't change his mind now.  
"Hi Lily," he started out shyly. "I found a great story that I think you would like. It's called 'Cinderella'." She nodded at him and seemed interested by the title. He took a deep breath, and began, stumbling along with some of the words, as any child would. "The wife of a rich man fell sick,and as she felt that her end was drawing near, she called her only daughter to her bedside and said, "Dear child, be good and pious, and then the good God will always protect thee, and I will look down on thee from heaven and be near thee." Thereupon she closed her eyes and departed. Every day the maiden went out to her mother's grave and wept, and she remained pious and good. When winter came the snow spread a white sheet over the grave, and when the spring sun had drawn it off again, the man had taken another wife.   
The woman had brought two daughters into the house with her, who were beautiful and fair of face, but vile and black of heart. Now began a bad time for the poor step-child...."  
He went on with the story. Lily seemed to love it. However, every time he thought she would make a noise, a laugh, a sigh, ANYTHING, she with-held it!What was he going to do?! At the very end of the story, he looked up at her hopefully, and sorrowfully realized she wouldn't give up on her game. He trudged off sadly. He would just have to find a new story. However, having already gone a month without any friends after 'The Move', he didn't think he could bear much longer. When woud Lily relent?  
Two days later, he came back, with another story. Another happy ending. He stared down nervously at his shoes as he finally began his story, this time called 'Toads and Diamonds'. He began with,"THERE was once upon a time a widow who had two daughters. The oldest looked so much like her mother and acted so much like her that whoever looked upon the daughter saw the mother. They were both so disagreeable and so proud that they were very hard to live with.  
The youngest, who was just like her father. She was sweet and courteous and was one of the most beautiful girls ever seen. As people naturally love their own likeness, this mother spoiled her oldest daughter and at the same time was very mean to the youngest daughter--she made her eat in the kitchen and work continually..."  
He glanced up every now and then, and saw her listening very attentively and delitedly. He began to gather more hope, and became more and more confident. 'Perhaps- just perhaps she'll make a sound this time!' He certainly hoped so...  
He looked up at the ending, and noticed she could barely contain her excitement and happiness from hearing the story. "Did you like it?"He asked tentatively.   
She nodded ecstatically. But she didn't speak. James left with his head hung in defeat. He needed to go about this differently...  
Two days later, he came back with the final story. He knew that he would win this time. This was going to be the key to winning. He waited all day in the line, through some of the schooling, through lunch and snacktime. He waited, ready to tell his story. Finally, it was his turn. Once again, he walked up to her, it being his turn. Once again, she smiled at him, eyes eager for another one of his stories. He indulged her wish. "This time I have a story called 'The Little Match-Seller. It's by someone name Hans Christian Anderson."  
She nodded politely, but looked like she was going to strangle him if he didn't begin the story now. He had captured her attention with just the title. He told her the short story. "It was terribly cold and nearly dark on the last evening of the old year, and the snow was falling fast. In the cold and the darkness, a poor little girl, with bare head and naked feet, roamed through the streets. It is true she had on a pair of slippers when she left home, but they were not of much use. They were very large, so large, indeed, that they had belonged to her mother, and the poor little creature had lost them in running across the street to avoid two carriages that were rolling along at a terrible rate. One of the slippers she could not find, and a boy seized upon the other and ran away with it, saying that he could use it as a cradle, when he had children of his own. So the little girl went on with her little naked feet, which were quite red and blue with the cold. In an old apron she carried a number of matches, and had a bundle of them in her hands. No one had bought anything of her the whole day, nor had anyone given her even a penny. Shivering with cold and hunger, she crept along; poor little child, she looked the picture of misery. The snowflakes fell on her long, fair hair, which hung in curls on her shoulders, but she regarded them not.   
Lights were shining from every window, and there was a savory smell of roast goose, for it was New-year's eve-yes, she remembered that. In a corner, between two houses, one of which projected beyond the other, she sank down and huddled herself together. She had drawn her little feet under her, but she could not keep off the cold; and she dared not go home, for she had sold no matches, and could not take home even a penny of money. Her father would certainly beat her; besides, it was almost as cold at home as here, for they had only the roof to cover them, through which the wind howled, although the largest holes had been stopped up with straw and rags. Her little hands were almost frozen with the cold. Ah! perhaps a burning match might be some good, if she could draw it from the bundle and strike it against the wall, just to warm her fingers. She drew one out-"scratch!" how it sputtered as it burnt! It gave a warm, bright light, like a little candle, as she held her hand over it. It was really a wonderful light. It seemed to the little girl that she was sitting by a large iron stove, with polished brass feet and a brass ornament. How the fire burned! and seemed so beautifully warm that the child stretched out her feet as if to warm them, when, lo! the flame of the match went out, the stove vanished, and she had only the remains of the half-burnt match in her hand.   
She rubbed another match on the wall. It burst into a flame, and where its light fell upon the wall it became as transparent as a veil, and she could see into the room. The table was covered with a snowy white table-cloth, on which stood a splendid dinner service, and a steaming roast goose, stuffed with apples and dried plums. And what was still more wonderful, the goose jumped down from the dish and waddled across the floor, with a knife and fork in its breast, to the little girl. Then the match went out, and there remained nothing but the thick, damp, cold wall before her.   
She lighted another match, and then she found herself sitting under a beautiful Christmas-tree. It was larger and more beautifully decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door at the rich merchant's. Thousands of tapers were burning upon the green branches, and colored pictures, like those she had seen in the show-windows, looked down upon it all. The little one stretched out her hand towards them, and the match went out.   
The Christmas lights rose higher and higher, till they looked to her like the stars in the sky. Then she saw a star fall, leaving behind it a bright streak of fire. "Someone is dying," thought the little girl, for her old grandmother, the only one who had ever loved her, and who was now dead, had told her that when a star falls, a soul was going up to God.   
She again rubbed a match on the wall, and the light shone round her; in the brightness stood her old grandmother, clear and shining, yet mild and loving in her appearance. "Grandmother," cried the little one, "O take me with you; I know you will go away when the match burns out; you will vanish like the warm stove, the roast goose, and the large, glorious Christmas-tree." And she made haste to light the whole bundle of matches, for she wished to keep her grandmother there. And the matches glowed with a light that was brighter than the noon-day, and her grandmother had never appeared so large or so beautiful. She took the little girl in her arms, and they both flew upwards in brightness and joy far above the earth, where there was neither cold nor hunger nor pain, for they were with God.   
In the dawn of morning there lay the poor little one, with pale cheeks and smiling mouth, leaning against the wall; she had been frozen to death on the last evening of the year; and the New-year's sun rose and shone upon a little corpse! The child still sat, in the stiffness of death, holding the matches in her hand, one bundle of which was burnt. "She tried to warm herself," said some. No one imagined what beautiful things she had seen, nor into what glory she had entered with her grandmother, on New-year's day. "  
James ended his story, and fully looked up at her. This story had been different, it had had an unhappy ending. But it had worked. Small little tears were sliding down her cheeks, making her emerald eyes unusually bright. She let out a soft sob. Then she spoke in a strangled voice. "I don't LIKE unhappy endings!"she wailed.  
James let out a grin. VICTORY!!! He told her,"Don't worry, I know many more stories if you ever want to hear them. But first, will you be my friend?"  
She smiled through her blurry eyes, and said,"Yes. I've been hoping for one myself. It's ever so lonely keeping so silent all of the time."  
James smiled wryly to himself. "I know exactly how you feel! I just moved a month ago, and I haven't had a new friend since!"  
Lily smiled at him. "Want to play hide-and-go-seek?"  
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Needless to say, Lily and James became friends fast. They both decided that although they loved stories, silence wasn't as golden as adults said it was. They both played many games, from the usual duck-duck-goose to their pretending games. Other children were actually jealous of how close the two were. They told each other everything, not that they had much to tell, although the subject of James' brother, Genemenus, was particularly interesting. James had finally figured out what all this 'magic' business was about. However, he was devastated to find out that he couldn't tell Lily about it. He couldn't tell anyone like Lily about it. Genemenus said it was because muggles like he and Lily wouldn't understand a thing about it. James knew it was probably true that he would turn out to not have any magic, he'd gathered that much. However, every night there was ever a star in the sky, he always wished otherwise. He felt guilty about not telling Lily any of this, but it had to be done. Then came the horrible day the next year, on his sixth birthday, when he found out his family had to move again. His father had once again been placed in another job, so 'conveniently' hours away from Lily, his best friend. She'd turned out to be an even better friend than Lizzie. He thought he'd never forgive his parents for taking him away from his best friend in the world, but just as he'd forgot about Lizzie after a while, he forgot about Lily after a while, and made new friends. Two new friends actually. Lily, too, forgot about James. However, it took her much longer, and she didn't make any new friends. There were too many incidents where strange things seemed to happen to Lily... Incidents like when her teacher once tried to slap her backside with a yardstick hard for saying the wrong multiplication answer, and had suddenly found herself slamming hard into the blackboard, yardstick broken in half. Anyhow, THAT teacher was fired. Lily, however, was considered more of a freak then ever. And for every year she went to primary school, she withdrew more and more into her 'pretending' games. Unlike most children, she didn't grow out of her pretending games, and people weren't so fascinated by them or accepting of them after she hit 1st grade. In fact, her pretending games were one of the reasons she didn't have any friends. Sometimes, she got a bit TOO into her pretenses. Sometimes she felt as though she actually was the person. She knew subconsciously that she really wasn't, but let her fall into the role for that time anyways, let herself really believe that was who she was. Without any other friends, Lily wanted to make herself another life, a temporary life, where she played a role that she knew, where she lived in a story that always held a happy ending. She had already grown to become a great actress,for she convinced even herself that she wasn't who she was at times. However, she had never learned that her act was finished when the producer called 'CUT!'.   
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A/N: Hi!!Sorry the ending was a little rushed. I think this chapter may have been a little boring for you guys too. I don't know, I thought it was really interesting, because Iove those stories that I put in here. However, I do think the ending may have been kinda unoriginal with his moving and everything, but....I dunno. I mean, I wanted them to know each other as children, and I wanted to somehow explain a little on how Lily acts for later chapters. This is as good as the explanation gets. I hope that you guys liked this chapter, and I'll try to make it more interesting for you in the future!!!!Please write and tell me whether you liked it!!!!I need more reviews, they're my inspiration!!!In the next chapter, I'm going to skip ahead to Hogwarts, but I don't know which year I want to skip to. It can't be first, but you guys can review and tell me which year I should skip too.  
Lots of love,  
Kristi 


	3. Frozen Innocence

When It's All Pretend  
  
She couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe it. But when she looked down, there was her name, right there on the top of the envelope. It was for her. It was real. She almost screamed with happiness. Once again, she re-read the letter she'd found in the front pocket of her bookbag the moment she'd come home.   
  
To: Lily Evans  
  
I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend? If you will, meet me at the statue in the park at five thirty this evening, and bring this note with you. Don't tell anyone where you're going.  
  
Love,  
  
Andrew  
  
It was almost too good to be true. She was basically the most unpopular person in her elementary class. She wondered why he liked HER. She wondered why he would risk telling her. Andrew Carnegie had been her crush since the third grade, and she would never have guessed that such a popular, kind guy could like someone like her. She supposed that's why he had waited until now to tell her. Today had been the last day of school. The last day she would ever enter the elementary halls. All day she'd relished in the feel of soon-to-come freedom. She'd felt...alive.   
  
Stepping away from the letter, she realized she didn't have much time before their park meeting. Blushing, she wondered what to do. She didn't have any experience in the areas involving guys. She'd tell her mom, but then she'd be telling her where she was going... Besides that, her mother would probably get excited and become very theatrical about the whole event. It became annoying at times...   
  
Suddenly, Lily felt a bit of a flash come before her eyes, and she blinked for a second and felt a bit woozy. After a while, she suddenly felt herself...APPEAR into her own vision, and though she was moving and doing things, it was like she wasn't really doing anything at all.  
  
Lily decided to change into another outfit, a pretty one that reminded her of autumn, and then combed her short hair back into two hair clips. Stepping into a new caramel-colored coat that she'd recieved for her birthday the month before, she turned off the light to her room and went downstairs. Lily's mother stood in the living room, reading over a new script that had come for her to Petunia, Lily's annoying older sister, who was squealing every time an act ended. Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
"Mom? I'm going out,okay?" Lily said in her usual quiet voice.  
  
Lily's mother turned her smile over to her and said,"Alright, but please be back before dinner. Deal?"   
  
Lily nodded in agreement and stepped out into the cool evening air. She felt a little guilty, knowing her mother thought she was going to the library to draw and be in peace as she usually did. However, the other side of her knew that it wasn't her fault if her plans were misinterpreted. She made her way to the park slowly, enjoying the cool air and the peaceful solitude. She found herself beginning to slip away into another one of her fantasies, but caught herself as she saw the sign of the park. She entered the gates, and made her way to the statue. Nobody was there yet, but it was a few minutes until the scheduled time, so she wasn't worried. She sat down in front of it and waited.  
  
Five minutes later, she was still waiting. She was also growing fidgety. She hoped he would come soon. Tracing her right index finger against the smooth, old cracks in the ground, her lips parted as she began to softly sing a song that she'd always sing when she was waiting or nervous. Finally, she heard something and halted her singing.  
  
"I don't see her," someone whispered loudly.  
  
"Are you sure she'll be here? She's one of the smartest people in our class, even if she is a complete retard."  
  
"She'll be here," another voice said confidently.  
  
Lily felt chills. She just KNEW that the voices were talking about her. However, the other side of her criticized this. She was just being stupid, she was so paranoid. There were other people at the park, and she was most certainly not the only person in the world. She settled back against the statue and ignored the small feeling of forbode.  
  
"Lily?"a voice said from in front of her. She looked up, and her breath almost caught in her throat.  
  
"Andrew," she said. She felt uncomfortable and nervous. What should she do? What would she say?  
  
"Hey," he said. "So..What do you think about my note?"  
  
She felt dizzy. What should she say? She wanted to hit herself for not thinking of what to do beforehand. "Um...I really like you. I'd really like being your girlfriend," she answered shyly, standing up and brushing herself off.  
  
He smiled."That's great. I feel the same way." Lily blushed and wondered what to do. She saw him move closer to her, and millions of thoughts raced through her head. Was he going to kiss her? What should she do? What if she didn't kiss good? What was going to happen?  
  
Finally, he was right in front of her. He brought his arms out from behind him, but she was concentrated on his beautiful green eyes that she just couldn't seem to look away from. His hands encircled behind her head, and suddenly, just as she leaned in, he backed away. She felt a gooey wetness all over her hair and her neck. It trickled down to her face. Her fingers rose to touch her face in horror as the wetness trickled down, and she felt a terrible pain in her head and her heart as she saw the raw egg yolk that layed upon her fingers. Her eyes burned and became hazy as she sank to her knees. She could feel her entire face become red, and she latched her arms around her knees.  
  
People suddenly filtered out from hiding, laughing loudly. She clutched her yolk-covered head as the pain shot through, and saw from under her lids the many people gathering around, all laughing. She saw everyone laughing at her, saw everyone talking about her. She began to see a hazy kind of red.  
  
"Oh,that was PRICELESS, Andrew! Absolutely PRICELESS!" the guys said, high-fiving each other and clutching their stomachs as they roared with laughter.  
  
One girl was wiping away tears as she walked up to Lily. She held out a video camera in front of her. "I caught it ALL. EVERYTHING. Thanks so much for a day we'll NEVER forget," she said cattily, and began laughing.   
  
Andrew walked up. "You caught it all?" he asked the girl.  
  
"Everything," she replied.  
  
Andrew smiled his usual cool smile and turned to look at her. "What's wrong? You don't need to worry, we'll mail you a tape. Stop being a bitch about it."  
  
Everyone laughed and began walking away. She could hear them talking faintly,saying what a great way to end their graduation that had been. Lily buried her face into her knees and clutched her head through her hair, sobbing. Her body shook violently, and she sobbed for what seemed to be forever. Everything hurt. She felt an unbearable pain take control of her head. Why was this happening? She suddenly realized how stupid she'd been. How could she have fallen for that? How was she going to get home? Her mother would see everything and make her tell her what had happened! What was she going to do?   
  
Pain shook through her, and she felt a mixture of anger, sadness, and completely unbearable pain. Suddenly, she felt herself whizzing by things, she felt air press against her and zip by her. The bright flash of light appeared in her brain again, taking away the sense of where she was. Suddenly, she gasped and and felt absolute horror and shock. Lily was in her room, leaning against the side of her bed. She stood up with her weakened legs, and clutched her mantle dizzily. What was going on? She stumbled into her bathroom and turned on the light awkwardly. Looking into the mirror, she stared at herself in shock. There was no yolk. It was as if...as if nothing had ever happened. She didn't even have her coat on, and was still wearing her SCHOOL clothes. Nothing had happened. She was exactly how she had been before she'd ever left the house. She fell against the floor and felt dizzy. Looking at her watch, she realized it was only a few minutes before five thirty. She felt intense pain, and then everything went black.  
  
******  
  
"Lily? Lily honey? LILY!" someone screamed hysterically. Lily felt herself being propped up and she drowsily tried to open her eyes. For some reason, they just didn't seem to want to open.  
  
"Lily, if you can hear me, PLEASE, make a noise, please do SOMETHING."  
  
Lily finally recognized the shrill, worried voice. It was just like her mother to become hysterical over something so simple as sleepi- wait a second. Lily frowned as her head ached with pain. She didn't remember ever going to sleep. She didn't think her mother would be practically screaming at her about sleeping, either. Lily winced as her mother shrieked more. Her head was aching enough for some reason, and her mother was just making things worse.   
  
"Mom?" she groaned in a small voice. "Could you turn it down a little? My head hurts like hell."  
  
"LILY!" June Evans screamed as she enveloped her daughter in a hug that practically cut off her air supply. Suddenly her mother sat back up and glared at her. "LILY! You are not to say words like that, ESPECIALLY not in MY house!"  
  
Lily opened her eyes. "Mom, can I have an aspirin? I have a blinding heaache."  
  
Mrs. Evans looked as though she wanted to say more on the matter, but sighed and handed one over for the moment. "Lily? What happened?" she questioned as Lily sat up.  
  
"I-I don't remember," Lily said, not wanting to meet her mother's eyes as what had happened flashed through her eyes. If she told her, she would be sent to a phsychiatrist for imagining things! Her own mother would think she was going insane, and her entire life would be changed to even worse than it already was.   
  
"Lily..." her mother sighed in frustration. "What's HAPPENED to you?! We used to be so close, we used to be able to talk about everything!" Her voice softened. "Please, I just want to know what happened..."  
  
Lily looked up at her. "Mom,I've just been really...tired...lately. It's just been very stressful preparing for graduation from elementary school and the like. I'm sure you know..."  
  
Mrs. Evans seemed to be relieved. "Is that all? I'm so glad...Honey, I'm sure it must be horrible having to leave all your friends, and knowing you'll be going to a new school next year, but if you ever feel so stressful like this again, you need to TELL me. It's unhealthy for you to be fainting from stress like this!"  
  
Lily sighed inwardly. Her mother didn't know anything. She didn't HAVE any friends. She was just too embarrassed to tell anyone about it. She and her mother had grown apart over the years, she thought sadly. "Yes, I'll tell you about things if I ever get so stressful again. Don't worry Mum," Lily replied to her mother, meeting her eyes for a split second with a reluctant smile.  
  
Her mother enveloped her into a hug. "There, now don't you feel better?" She smiled brightly. "Ready to head down to dinner?"  
  
Lily smiled back and nodded a yes, and they headed down to dinner, unaware of the large brown owl flying towards her bedroom window.  
  
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Okay,that's all for this chapter!~ I know that may have been a tad unrealistic, but no more unrealistic than all these moronic stories that have been popping up as of late... I swear,look at stories that were written a long time ago and they are WAY more creative,original, and well-thought out than the ones written now! Heh,I'm beginning a rant...Oh well. I promise I will try to make it more realistic as it goes on,and it will NOT be one of those OMG stories, or anything cliche. I just want it to be something that could really happen, a story where people can kind of relate to the way Lily will react...The problem is, I have a bit of a problem with writing the chapters and adding them in on time, and I am a BIG procrastinator on stories. I think if I get lots of reviews,and have people pushing me to write more,I'll be able to get it done, but I guess I'll see. Therefore,if you want more,REVIEW,email,IM me, whatever. ^ ^  
  
Oh yeah....Um...If anyone wants to be a beta reader for me or anything, and who can spot errors well and who can maybe tell me whether I should write more or where to stop or anything, please email me about it. I kinda need one....^ ^  
  
Lots of love,  
  
Kristi 


	4. Off to See the Wizard

When It's All Pretend  
  
A month later, Lily Evans found herself looking through a stack of books she never thought she'd read in her life. Then again, Lily never would've guessed something like this could HAPPEN in her life. How an oblivious elementary-school misfit like herself could be a witch mystified her. She'd always thought they were stories, like things she imagined. Smiling absentmindedly, she knew she was finally going to live out a story. She found herself suddenly slipping away into another pretense, as she often did. She imagined herself meeting people just like her at this new school, people who would accept her and would pretend things too. She could see herself already, becoming bright and happy, someone everyone could like and respect, someone everyone envied just a little. Little adventures with faceless people ran through her head, and she suddenly snapped out of it as she felt a slight pressure on her shoulder.  
  
Jerking her head around, she was surprised to see her mother standing behind her. Mrs. Evans took a seat next to her youngest daughter and sighed softly, fondly smoothing down a loose strand of Lily's hair. She looked off for a moment, and Lily waited patiently, knowing her mother was going to say something to her.  
  
"Lily dear..I want you to know that I think this school, Hogwarts...It's going to be an absolutely WONDERFUL experience for you," Mrs. Evans told her in a happy but wistful voice. She turned to look at her daughter. "I am proud of you for being welcomed into what sounds like a wonderful school, dear. But...I'm also going to miss you so much,"she said, eyes watering slightly.  
  
Lily felt a lump in her throat. "I'll miss you too," she said. "I promise I'll write you all the time, and you can always expect Cleo to arrive with letters," she promised, referring to her new caramel-colored owl.  
  
Lily's mother looked down at her for a moment, and then she reached to hug her. "It's going to be a hard year without you, Lily," she told her softly. "You better take advantage of your time at Hogwarts, dear. Make many new friends and work to the best of your ability. But most of all, please just have fun being yourself and being happy.."   
  
Lily felt slightly annoyed by the bossy tone, but she shrugged it down. "I will,Mum,"she promised.  
  
"Oh yes," said Mrs. Evans, beaming and reaching over into her bag. "I bought you something for when you go to Hogwarts."  
  
Lily looked up questionably, wondering what it could be. Her mother handed her the bag, and upon taking it, she pulled out two books, a small one and a large one, and many bags of muggle candy. Her mother smiled.  
  
"This is a diary I got you," her mother said,pointing to the smaller book, which was a beautiful shade of green covered with golden swirls of light and pictures of hazy-looking people that seemed to blend in with the background. It just screamed 'Lily'.   
  
"Thanks,Mum,"Lily said. However, she'd never really kept a diary before, so she really didn't know what she was going to do with it.  
  
"I know you probably don't want to keep a diary, since you haven't grown accustomed to keeping one before, dear. However, I honestly think you should give it a try. Try writing in it at least once every other day, and sooner or later you'll learn to love writing in it. I went through the same thing myself when I was younger, and I found that it really helped me to express myself while keeping certain situations and event private. It's also just a wonderful way to let out whatever you're thinking, and it really works wonders when you're muddled or wondering what to do," Lily's mother said. Lily smiled at the almost-speech her mother had just made. Because she was an actor, she tended to be very wordy, not that Lily couldn't be wordy when she wanted to be.  
  
"Alright, I'll try it out,"Lily said. "But what's the other one for?"  
  
"Scrapbooking," her mother said with a mischievious grin.  
  
Lily groaned. "I am NOT scrapbooking." Mrs. Evans and Petunia loved scrapbooking, but Lily found it boring and a waste of time and energy that could be spent on something more important, like being lazy.  
  
Her mother looked at her for a moment before realizing she wasn't going to be able to change the situation, and then signed relentingly. "Okay, you don't have to keep it as a scrapbook. But mayeb you could just use it to put in pictures and drawings and the like," she said, trying to bargain the situation.  
  
"Sure, whatever," Lily answered, stopping herself from rolling her eyes. Then she grinned, saying,"I LOVE the candy though."  
  
"I thought you would," her mother answered knowingly, eyes twinkling. "I daresay you won't get much of a chance to get Reese's and the like while at a school of witches and wizards." Lily and her mother had been to a sweets store in Diagon Alley and found that out themselves.  
  
Lily smiled at her mother, and then they sat there in silence for a moment. "I took a week off of work," her mother suddenly told her, turning to look at her. Lily looked up in surprise. "I thought we might spend some time together before you go away," said Mrs. Evans.  
  
Lily made a noise of something between excitement and surprise. "Thanks Mum! That's really awesome!" she exclaimed, leaping up to hug her.  
  
Mrs. Evans hmphed indignantly. "Could I do antyhing less when my youngest daughter is about to leave for an entire year?"  
  
Lily just smiled and felt warm inside. She was going to miss her mother very much, even if she could get annoying at times.  
  
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Another month later, Lily had finally found herself on the actual train. THE train. The train that would take her to Hogwarts. She'd had a bit of trouble with the platform, but an older girl in charge of helping muggles find the platform had seen her wondering around the area and had come to help her. Now she sat in an empty compartment near the middle of the train, wondering what was going to happen next. She hoped whoever else came to sit by her in the compartment would be nice, so she could possibly make...friends. It felt strange to Lily to think of this, almost foreign. She wasn't used to having friends. She had a slight recollection of having a few friends before she hit Kindergarten, but she honestly could remember no friends after that. Her face grew hot with this embarrassment. She suddenly wondered if she would even make friends here, and what she should do if she DID. It wasn't as though she was used to them. She grew more and more worried about this, until someone suddenly entered the compartment, sliding into the empty seat easily. Lily looked up at the girl.  
  
Surprisingly enough, this girl looked just like some of the girls at her own school. Maybe she was a muggleborn too, Lily thought.  
  
"Er...Who are you?" the girl suddenly asked Lily, looking at her curiously. She had a preppy sound to her voice, and Lily desperately hoped she wouldn't end up to be a snob.  
  
"I'm Lily Evans,"she said uncomfortably. "Um...Who are you?"  
  
"Autumn Blakely," answered the girl in an offhandish way. They both sat in an awkward silence for a while, and Lily blushed, embarrassed. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. She decided to say something to break the silence.  
  
"Is this your first time at Hogwarts?"Lily asked.  
  
"Yes. What about you?"asked Autumn.  
  
"Yup. Are you a muggleborn or a pureblood, or what?" Lily asked awkwardly. She'd learned about these from one of the extra reading books she'd bought from the bookstore.   
  
"Halfblood. Are you a muggleborn?"  
  
"Yes, how'd you know?" Lily asked in surprise.  
  
"Your clothes," the girl answered in an offhandish way.   
  
"Oh," answered Lily, and they fell into an awkward silence once again. As she was wracking her brains for more questions that wouldn't sound stupid, the compartment door burst open, and some people suddenly sprinted in, slamming the door behind them.  
  
They laughed hysterically for about a minute before finally noticing Lily and Autumn. As they all shut up, one of the boys stepped forward, looking embarrassed and rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
"Er...Sorry for this. You don't mind if we sit in here with you, do you?" he asked.  
  
Lily and Autumn looked at each other and then both replied,"No, go ahead."   
  
As the boys sat down, they started introducing who they were. The boy who had stepped forward was Remus Lupin, Lily found out, and the boy with the cropped hair who seemed to talk a bunch was James Potter. The last boy was Sirius Black, who looked really innocent and trustworthy, like Remus did. After everyone had introduced themselves, the boys started talking a mile a minute, asking them questions. The compartment was filled with laughter, and Lily suddenly felt her awkwardness slowly go away. She found out that Sirius and James were both purebloods and Remus was a half-blood. She found that all of the others, including Autumn, hated Slytherins. Lily didn't know much about them, but as soon as everyone found this out, they proceeded to tell stories about them, interrupting each other to fill in facts and such.  
  
Everyone had a chance to tell what houses they wanted to be in, though Lily's choice was only based off what she'd read. Ravenclaw seemed like a house she'd want to be in, but the others all wanted to be in Gryffindor. Somehow the chat turned to Quidditch, and Lily, who didn't understand anything they were saying, suddenly found herself to be left out. They all chatted animatedly to themselves, and she found herself growing bored and slipping into a pretense. Closing her eyes, she began to tune out the others and imagine strangely random things, like what it'd be like if she was in America, what she'd be like five years from now. She could see herself knowing everyone, being someone everyone loved. Her thoughts were interrupted when one of the boys, Sirius, laughed jovially and said," Lily's falling asleep, everyone, we need to keep her awake!"  
  
As she looked up, she suddenly noticed that the before-innocent Sirius was now sharing an evil grin with James, and suddenly she found herself being tickled. She grinned and then started laughing loudly, saying,"I'm not ticklish at all, you know."  
  
Sirius and James looked disappointed and sighed loudly. "Yes, well, we tried."  
  
Remus smiled at her, saying,"You're the only person I've ever met who could fall asleep while listening to others talk about Quidditch."  
  
Lily didn't bother to point out that she wasn't falling asleep, because she didn't want to tell them about how she pretended things, but replied,"I probably wouldn't if I knew what Quidditch was."  
  
The boys all gaped, and then Autumn slapped a hand to her forehead, saying,"I completely forgot you were a muggleborn,Lily!" Suddenly, everyone began talking at once, trying to explain what Quidditch was. By the end of the trip, they were still talking about it, and Lily felt her head aching. Finally, however, the talking stopped as they all saw the Hogwarts castle. They were there. The announcement came on, telling everyone in the train to change into their rooms. Lily and Autumn shooed the boys out of the compartment, and the adventure went on from there.  
  
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WHEEEE!! I finished another chappie! This is so cool, I've never gotten to a FOURTH chapter before, let alone, updated it so QUICKLY after the last chapter! My muse is FINALLY doing its job! Anyways, yeah. REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
REVIEW!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!! Must have more inspiration!  
  
But anyways, yeah, does anyone know how to type in italics for the story if you only have WordPad?  
  
Lotsa love,  
  
Kristi 


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